beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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