can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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