Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
