Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
