Sry I called you an 8
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
