Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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