Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
