Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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