It's just like the Real World with babies
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
