ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
