Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We had sex on a dog bed..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
