This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
