I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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