it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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