I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Did I show you my penis last night?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize