Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
