I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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