If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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