Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We left an ass print on the piano.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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