woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
