and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
