i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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