i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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