I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
