Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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