Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
