I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
