Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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