do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
