who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
