My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
