i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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