I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
