I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
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The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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