I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
