A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
