I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
