i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
