She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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