Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
