Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize