i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize