just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
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