i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm determined to sit on that face.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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