i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
