Can i not drive my cunt home
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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