4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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