apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
