I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
