In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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