i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
