he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
