yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
