small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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