someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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