Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize