maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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