Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
