Don't make out with my wife yet
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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