I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
