the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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