I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
