yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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