The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
