This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
