in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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