Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
