I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
