The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
