Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
