yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
